Lessons from Injuries

You ever feel like life is just piling up on you and there's no method to the madness? I have a teammate who’s a freshman this year. She tore the ACL in her left knee during her senior year of high school, and was out for the first month of this fall season while still rehabbing from the surgery. Her first week back into full-contact practices, she landed awkwardly in a 1 v 1 drill and tore the ACL in her right leg. She had surgery on it this past weekend, and through talking with her about it, I’ve come to realize two very important things about the process of dealing with life when it’s hard.

The first thing I’ve learned is directed not to people with POTS, but to those of you who know someone with POTS – the families, the friends, the teammates, etc. Having a community of support is crucial to making it through difficult situations, and you will never completely understand the impact that your presence has on us. The night after her surgery, we went as a team to visit Karlee in the hospital. Granted, she was still a little groggy and she was obviously in some pain, but it was incredible to see her face light up at having people care enough to show up and sit with her for an hour or two, make her laugh, and pray with her. It’s amazing what the presence of people who love you can do for your spirits, and what even ill-phrased, ineloquent words of encouragement mean when everything’s going wrong.  

You see, we gain strength from you simply being there. I know. It gets hard after the first week or two to really care anymore, because the newness of someone you love having POTS has worn off. It gets easy to move on with your own problems and get tired of ours. But we need you. So please, stay there for us. It doesn’t take that much effort, really. We just need your thereness. That’s not a word, I know. But it’s what we need.

The second thing is directed back at the potsies. I may have already written a post on this, but it's something we need to be constantly reminded of, and something which popped backed into mind while talking with my injured teammate. Sometimes, life sucks. We’re all well aware of that fact. Sometimes the problems pile on and before you know it, you’re waist deep in an emotional break down wondering how in the heck anything that’s happening has a purpose. And of course, that’s always the moment when some well-meaning person leads you back to Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” And you sit there and think, “There’s no way this will ever be for my good, where the heck are you God?” And you get angry.

            

Well, let me give you some background on that verse that your well-meaning friend neglected to tell you. It was written by the prophet Jeremiah to the Israelites at the lowest point in their history as a people. Jerusalem was in ruins, the Temple was destroyed, and they were forced out of their holy land and into Babylonia as a conquered nation. Everything that they held dear was gone, and to top it off, in previous verses, Jeremiah has told them that it’s going to be a long 70 year exile, and not the quick easy exile that the false prophets keep proclaiming. God had allowed his chosen people to be ransacked and nearly annihilated, and then tells them that they'll stay in this inglorious state for an entire generation. And yet it’s at this point, in this hell-hole of the ultimate disaster story, that they are reminded of the promise that they are not forsaken. In their misery, they are given a promise that there is a plan. And in case you've forgotten, it's a plan that led to the salvation of humanity through Jesus Christ. 

          

Sometimes, God lets us wander in the desert for 40 years. Sometimes, He lets us lose everything. Sometimes, He lets the brokenness of this world inflict damage on His broken people. Just because you can’t see a reason in it, and just because your plan played out a little differently in your head, does not mean that you are forsaken. It doesn’t mean that it’s not part of a greater plan prepared by an infinite God for the good of his children. If you have a God big enough to be mad at when life goes wrong, you also have a God big enough to have a purpose that your finite mind can't envision. There is a purpose to the chaos that is POTS. Don’t ever forget that. 

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

The Simple Things

Oh, dear me, dear me. Sometimes I can’t help but be amazed at God’s sense of humor. The other day, a former teammate of mine accepted the head coaching position at a local high school and asked if I would be interested in doing some volunteer coaching in the spring. Of course, I said “yes” without missing a beat! Having had time now to reflect on what this means, I’m both extremely honored and extremely humbled. It seems that only last week I was a high school player, and now here I am with the opportunity to help raise up the next generation of athletes. *big gulp* That’s a lot of responsibility! Coaching always seemed so easy until I had to think about doing it myself!

           

I've always been convinced that every coach has their own particular coaching philosophy. Some can clearly articulate it and some don’t even know what the word “philosophy” means, but everyone has one. I've been thinking about mine, and it really relies on a mantra that’s been instilled in me by many of my coaches – “Do the simple things extraordinarily well, and do them all the time.” I've always been taught that, as a keeper, it’s not really about being able to make that upper 90 save or stopping the penalty kick. Of course, being able to do those things is good, but you don’t build your foundation as a player on them. It’s the simple things – communication, coming for cross balls, and being reliable in saving the shots that should be saved. Everything else is built on these basic abilities, and the trust your teammates have in you (and the trust you have in yourself) comes from you doing them all the time. So you train to do them over and over and over, until you literally do them in your dreams.

In a lot of ways, this a really good philosophy for life, and especially for life with POTS. There are a lot of simple things that need to be done in order to get healthy and stay healthy, and we just need to do them. Sodium. Hydration. Exercise. Taking your medication. None of those things is, by their nature, extraordinary. They’re not expensive. They’re not hard to do. And yet by taking care of these simple things all the time, we see extraordinary results. In the same way, when we neglect to do these simple things, the results can be devastating. These are the foundation of living a full and joyful life with POTS. If you work at doing them all the time, you’ll find yourself confident in your ability to cope with autonomic dysfunction. Houses built on solid foundations don’t crumble during earthquakes.

Matthew 7:24

On a more serious note, I’d like to thank everyone for keeping Meghan Herndon and her family in your prayers. Meghan was called home to the Lord a few days ago. Obviously, her family, friends, and teammates are still grieving their loss, and your continued prayers for their comfort and healing would be much appreciated. I know that at times like these it’s easy to ask, “Why God? Why didn’t you answer our prayers?” The truth is, He did answer them. He just said, “No. Today, my grace will be enough.” And the joy and comfort we receive comes from knowing that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, and that even in the ultimate and inevitable result of the Fall - death – we see beauty and purpose. Through organ donation, Meghan has so far been able to save the lives of three people who were themselves at Death’s door. And most importantly, from what I’ve heard and read about Meghan, I have no doubt that she is now in the presence of God, fully healed and redeemed, filled with the joy that will come when the brokenness of this world passes away.

Meghan, may we meet in the place where Darkness flees.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

Blessings

This life is hard. There’s no way around it. Today, I’m asking everyone reading this blog to say a prayer for a girl named Meghan Herndon and Meghan’s family. You don’t know her. Heck, I don’t even “know” her. But her story puts into perspective just how blessed we are, and just how precious life is – even when life is hard. The first and only time I ever saw Meghan, a senior from Southeast Missouri State University, was when she was playing on the field as my opponent two weeks ago. The next day, she was riding her scooter to work when she was t-boned by a pickup truck. She’s been in a coma since then, and doctors have told the family that the injuries to her brain are “devastating.” 

I’m the first to admit that in many ways, this tragedy has nothing to do with me. I never really met Meghan – the only time I saw her, my team was trying to destroy her team. I have no reason to care, and yet I’ve found myself following her CaringBridge updates online and praying for her. I can’t help it. It could have been my teammate. It could have been my sister. It could have been me. Yeah, I have POTS and it sucks. But I’m not in coma. My parents aren’t wondering if I’ll ever wake up. I get to tell my mom I love her and hug my dad. When the road seems unbearably long and the load unbearably heavy, we must not forget how truly blessed we are to have been given the gift of life. It’s true – this life is often painful, and we live in a world that is sinful and in a body that is broken.  But it is still a gift. And we rest in the promise that despite our unworthiness in the face of a holy God, what we have broken will once again be made perfect. There will be a day with no more tears, a day when you and I and Meghan will walk together, healed. Let us never forget the hope that we have.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back. 

Swinging Back

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve dislocated my left ring finger. I’d probably have enough to retire on…ok that’s a slight exaggeration. I’d probably have about $20. But hey – that’s dinner and a movie! I could go on a date with myself and apologize to my body for the punishment I put it through every day.

Oh, wait, I have POTS. My body sucks. Never mind.

On a happy note, I got my first collegiate start last week, and we won, and Kerri Walsh was on our flight! If you’re like my mom and don’t know sports, Kerri Walsh is a three time Olympic gold medalist in beach volleyball. If you’re like my sister and don’t understand why that would matter, having three gold medals means that you’re awesome and I want a picture with you. So that was a good day. I feel  like I should have those days more often…seriously though, finally getting to start and play a full 90 minutes took a huge load off my shoulders, and I can’t even begin to describe the amount of confidence it gave me. Up until then, I hadn’t really had a lot of playing time since high school. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I could do it, and it wasn’t that I really thought anyone else didn’t think I could do it, either. But, when you haven’t actually done something before, there’s always that little doubt in the back of your mind that says, “What if I don’t even get the opportunity to see if I can?” Or worse, “What if I get the opportunity and blow it?”

In a lot of ways, our whole fight with POTS is like that. We know that we can beat this, we know that we are beating this, and yet there’s always that miserable voice in the back of your mind whispering, “What if you lose?”

Let me ask you something – what is losing? What does failure look like in POTS? 

Is it having a bad day? No. You can’t control that. No matter how fit you become or how much sodium you consume or how much water you drink, your body’s going to say, “Screw you,” some days. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost – it means you’re winning and POTS is fighting back. Is failure riding the struggle bus for a whole week of practice? No. You may have barely made it through the week, and you may have felt miserable, and you may be asking yourself why you ever bothered to roll yourself out of bed every day because the week was just that bad. But the fact is that you did drag yourself through the week, your body kicking and screaming the whole way. That’s not failure.

Failure is not when you’ve been beat down. It’s not when your eyes are swollen or your nose is bloodied. It’s not when your body aches or your soul is tired. It’s not when you’ve been suckered punched so hard by life that you’re lying face down in the ring with a metaphorically broken jaw and metaphorically cracked ribs. It isn’t even feeling like you’d rather stay down there, either. Failure is when you don’t get up and swing back anyway. 

So get up.

Swing back.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

Raising the Bar

“I saw a friend of mine the other day,
and he told me that my eyes were gleaming,
and I said ‘I’ve been away,”
and he knew, oh he knew the depths I was meaning.
It felt so good to he see his face,
and the comfort invested in my soul
to feel the warmth of his smile
when he said ‘I’m happy to have you home.’”

Those lyrics are from the song “Keep Your Head Up,” by Ben Howard, one of my favorite lyricists of all time. I thought about trying to come up with my own words to describe how I felt the other day, but sometimes I just have to admit when somebody else has already said it better than I ever could. You see, while having coffee with a friend, we both came to the realization that something had changed in me over the last year, and changed for the better. Having thought about it for a while now, I think the only word to describe it is “joy.” I have joy in my life. Not happiness – happiness is fleeting and perhaps the most superficial of all emotions – but joy. Real, tangible joy that sits in my soul, more as a state of being than as an emotion.

For people who don’t know me, that doesn’t really seem like a big deal. But as someone who spent a long time suffering in the depths of major depression and saddled with the spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical emptiness it brings, the advent of joy at many points over the last two years would have seemed unthinkable. In fact, the realization of experiencing joy only adds to my joy! It’s incredible to see how far I’ve come, and how much God’s glory has shone through my brokenness. For the first time I’m starting to understand Romans 5:3-5 when it says that we rejoice in our sufferings because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope; hope does not disappoint us. The last two years were full of a lot of suffering, and it wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t something that seemed meaningful. Yet here I sit on the outside of it, and I can see the spirit of perseverance it produced in me. There were so many days that, in my self-centered ignorance, I saw no point in continuing to persevere in my fight against POTS when it seemed completely futile. Every day, I would find myself at some point asking “why?” Why do I keep doing this? It’s insane. I have every valid reason to quit. Furthermore, I could quit and most people would applaud me and pat me on the back for making it farther than anybody ever thought I would. I don’t know how I made it through every day, to be completely honest. And don't worry, I have a whole other post coming on this, so if you find yourself struggling with that same problem, hang in there. I'm getting to it. Also, email me at amyswearer@yahoo.com. I'd love nothing more than to talk to you.

But here, by the grace of God, I stand. And I stand with a purpose. At Nebraska, we talk a lot about setting standards. In whatever you do, you set a standard of performance that other people will see as example of what needs to be done and how much effort needs to be put into doing it. Whether the standard you set is poor or the standard you set is perfection, it's up to you to set it and to realize that wherever you set that standard is where everyone else is going to try to match it. You see, for so long the standard of life for people with POTS had been set at an unacceptably low point. I realize now that it’s my job, your job, our job to raise that standard and to give hope to everyone who comes after us. Right now, we have no one to look to but ourselves and we must be the trailblazers who show others how to live a full and joyful life with POTS. And we cannot quit halfway. Why? Because if we quit halfway, the burden falls even heavier on those who will inevitably be diagnosed years from now. They will have the excuse to point to us and say, “Look, they tried really hard, and they failed. What hope do I possibly have to succeed?” They will have even more stories of heartbreak and failure dropped onto their backs, and the way becomes harder for them. They will see our standard of quitting, and they will think that trying and failing is as high of a standard as can possibly be reached. But if we win – if we raise that standard – they can look to us and say, “They did it, and I can do it, too.” They will see our standard and look to match it, to better it. We have a purpose. Our struggles have meaning. Our stories give hope. Our paths will be followed. Here’s to raising the bar!

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

Preseason By The Numbers

5 – the number of times I died today (also, the number of times I somehow resurrected from the dead)

4 – the number of degrees over 100 today

3 – the number of preseason days I’ve finished

2 –  the number of practices I’ll have tomorrow

1 – the number of days until our first off day

0 – the amount of energy I have right now

But you know what I like to do when I feel miserable? I like to make other people feel a little less miserable. (It actually works, and I wish more people would try it. This world would be a more joyful place.) So I brought the freshmen some freezy pops and ice pops to enjoy at the dorm, under the guise of “rehydrating them.” Really I was just trying to make sure that they’re all still alive after day 3…you never know with the younglings! 

Time to go watch the Olympics and pass out into a blissful sleep...thank God we get to "sleep in" for a 9 a.m. practice instead of our regular 7 a.m. start time. Fantastic. Rule number 32 - enjoy the little things. 

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

POTS -The New Diet for People Who Don't Need A Diet!

Day 2 of preseason? 100% done. My body at the moment? 100% dead. I lost 4 pounds at our afternoon practice, and that’s with me doing every possible thing to combat dehydration. Fantastic. Sometimes I wish I was in the majority of women who would be stoked over losing that much weight in 2 hours, but unfortunately I desperately need to put that weight back on through fluid intake before tomorrow morning. Which is awesome because all my body wants to do is sleep right now, and not down a bunch of Gatorade and pedialyte. Good thing I have my secret weapon waiting for me at home…his name is Dexter, and he’s the softest, cutest, and most loving “please-snuggle-with-me-now” cat that ever existed. Be jealous. For those of you who think that cats are for creepy old women, you’re wrong. Why? Because I’m right. Also, this lady says you’re wrong http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTTwcCVajAc Cat people - 2, You - 0.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back.

Preseason, We Meet Again...

Day 1 of preseason? Done. All of it. Every second of both practices, lifting, and agility. Who said POTS was debilitating? Yeah…they never met me or my fellow athletes with POTS.

Anyway, what does 100+ degree weather get you? Super dehydrated! I don’t think I’ve had to drink this much water, Gatorade, and chocolate milk ever in my life…and I still dropped a lot of weight at each practice. But I actually feel decidedly good right now. Maybe it’s because this isn’t my first time around the torture that is preseason. Maybe it’s because I’m mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in a much better place than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe it’s the fact that now I know I have something to fight for in the other athletes I’ve come to know who have POTS. And maybe it’s just because I’m more awesome than a unicorn-cat-poptart pooping rainbows across the galaxy (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH2-TGUlwu4). I prefer to think "all of the above."

I have to be lame and go to bed now because 5:30 am comes way too quickly to those who are already tired. Until next time…

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back. 

And Then There Were Two. Or Three. Or More.

It's been over a year since my last post. Why? Because I was absolutely sure that nobody but my mom ever read this blog. Quite frankly, I didn't see the point in continuing to chronicle my journey for the sake of myself when half the time I really just wanted to break down and snap my laptop in half, not write about how I was going to punch POTS in the face today. But I recently found out that I'm not alone. I. Am NOT. Alone. Yes, in some ways knowing there are other athletes out there struggling with POTS makes me sad, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone. At the same time, however, it's a relief in a way that I'm not even sure I can describe. Nobody likes the feeling of carrying a burden by themselves. (Wo)man was not made to be alone - it's the first thing God describes as not being "good." So this blog continues, even if the people who recently emailed me never read another post. It continues because we continue; it presses on because we press on toward the goal to win the prize (yes, biblical symbolism, I did it on purpose). A lot has happened in the last year or so, too much to write about right now. But don't worry, I'll get to it. Some stories just have to be written, and I will write ours. Ours. Us. We. There's no longer just one.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back. For all of us.

Last Day in England

So the time has come to say goodbye to England. Driving back from our final game tonight, I was besieged by that bittersweet feeling that always pervades the ending of some great thing – an emotion that remains undefined by even the greatest writers. No words could adequately convey that sense of being caught between the solemnity of a conclusion and the freshness and purity of a new beginning. It was such a perfect evening for reminiscing, too. The steely blue of the late afternoon sky gave way to gray, misty mountains on the horizon. As pale green meadows, dotted with delicate yellow wild flowers, whirled by outside the window, the sun began its descent into the hills behind us; its departing rays cast a golden glow upon the land, giving the countryside a soft dreamlike quality. I know I’ve spoken openly about how beautiful I think England is, but quiet reverie evokes even more appreciation for those things that have already taken a hold of your heart.

……..later………….

It’s late now, and there’s a chill to the air that makes it seem more like September and less like May, but the night is clear and the sharpness of the breeze keeps me awake. For now, I sit quietly in the courtyard, listening to silence echo off the cobblestones. The sky above me is dark, but the stars are bright and they shine forth in the darkness, brilliant and luminous. Everything is so still. I feel that even the clicks of my keyboard are an intrusion on the peace that has befallen the cottages. My teammates are asleep, snuggled into their warm comforters and lost to the visions of slumber. But I’ve already decided I won’t sleep tonight. It’s something that I do occasionally, when I feel that a moment is too special to just let go of in an instant, too sacred and full of emotion to let sleep overtake me. I lie awake and soak in every last minute of time the night will give me, and in the morning, I offer up a prayer as I watch the sunrise. Obviously, I feel so blessed to have been on this trip, but tonight is so much more than that for me. You see, almost a year ago to the day, I was lying on the ground barely conscious, having suffered my first POTS attack. That night on my senior trip, my world came crashing down around me, and many times since I have wondered if I would ever step foot on a soccer field again. And now, in less time than it took the earth to make a full revolution around the sun, I was lacing up my boots to play on Everton FC’s official training ground against one of the best teams in England. I’m sitting in the courtyard of centuries-old stables, soaking in the glitter of the half moon far above my head. No, tonight is not for sleeping. Tonight is not for dreaming about things that may be. Tonight is for remembering how gracious our God is, and thanking Him as a new day dawns.  I have 8 and half hours to sleep on the plane tomorrow…

………….even later……….

It’s 4.21 am, and the sun is already rising steadily to greet the day with its light. The morning is stunningly clear, the crisp and pure as pours into the window, carrying with it the most beautiful melodies of the song birds. They call out their “good mornings” to each other in colorful and lovely tones, chirping and tweeting their bright notes. It’s amazing how much light is already seeping into the sky, and how alive the outdoors has become since I drew up a bath. I, too, am newly awakened with a fresh vigor, though I have not slept at all. How can I sleep, at such a time as this? No, I am eternally glad that I am here to see the last sunrise of my time in England, and later I shall greet the day myself out in the garden. There is something so sacred about this hour, when the earth once again becomes illuminated, and life is restored after its slumber in darkness. The dawn is God’s daily reminder that soon all darkness shall cease, and life eternal shall begin, and never end. One day, we will wake not to the light of the sun, but to the light of the glory of God, not to the songs of the birds, but to the songs of saints and angels.

Yes, I'm really an American.

Today was a pretty laid back day, which is good because I think all of us are getting a little tired. We had an early morning practice and then drove back out to Coventry to watch the FA Women’s Final, and Arsenal took home the cup with a well deserved 2-0 over Bristol. It was a pretty uneventful game, but it was really cool to see how stoked everyone was for a women’s game. There were over 13,000 fans, and even though that didn’t nearly fill the stadium, it’s a lot more than I expected, especially given that women’s soccer isn’t even as big here as it is in America (Not my own words, I got that straight from the Brits). Speaking of America, apparently everyone can tell we’re Americans, even from a distance and without having talked to us. I was always sort of suspicious of the fact that we got stared at a lot, but today when we were walking around a shopping mall waiting for the gates to open for the game, some girl just walks up to us and asks, “Are you really Americans?” Um…what? We weren’t talking, so she didn’t hear our accents. We weren’t in super obvious tourist clothes. We weren’t playing Yankee Doodle and waving the Stars and Stripes. Yet somehow, everyone seems to just know we’re Americans, and they think it’s strange to see us here – but whatever, it makes me feel a little special to be noticed! Just kidding, that was a little vain…I do find it funny, however, that she would ask if we're really Americans. No. I'm a fake American. I'm an imposter American from Argentina. I mean seriously?!

            My cottage helped cooked dinner again tonight, and our quesadillas and Spanish rice were a hit! See mom, I can cook…I just choose not to! I also had my first taste of British ice cream, though it wasn’t that much different than the stuff you buy in America. They had an ice cream truck outside of the mall, and everyone said their cones were really good, so I couldn’t resist. They tasted like the whipped cake frosting that you get at the store, but colder and creamier (the cone left a little to be desired, but since it was so cool looking – it was like a regular cone at the bottom, but two cones at the top – I think I’ll let it slide). I also got a sausage roll at the stadium, and that was pretty good, too, though not nearly as good as the English Breakfast yesterday! I’ve also found that I’m starting to really like Nutella, which I’ve haven’t eaten until my teammates bought it here for sandwiches. Looks like I’ll have to start buying it stateside, too.

            I’m starting to feel a little potsy, which sucks, but it’s not too bad. I think all of the driving and sitting/standing upright for so long is getting to me and my back and shoulders are cramping (blah coat hanger pain at its finest.), and I’m getting lightheaded quite often throughout the day. I just keep praying I make it through the trip without a migraine or really bad episode, because this trip has just been so awesome and I don’t want that to put a damper on it. I just keep holding on to words of Isaiah, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They shall soar on wings like eagles (like eagles ya’ll, like eagles! Sorry…Remember the Titans…) they shall run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Like I’ve said in previous posts, that verse has never held truer for me than since I’ve had POTS.

            Anyway, tomorrow we’re going to practice in the morning again, and then take in the Aston Villa v Liverpool game, and hopefully it will be more exciting than today’s game!

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back. (In England!).

And God saw that it was good...

Every so often, you have one of those days that just leaves you in complete awe of God. This was one of those days. Wales is absolutely beautiful! And not like “oh hey, look at that” kind of beautiful, but “drop to your knees in worship as your breath is sucked right out you and the majesty of God’s creation leaves you speechless” kind of beautiful. Even the language is gorgeous! Welsh kind of defies the laws of English grammar (though in the words of my British coach, the Welsh live to defy the English), but it’s as beautiful to listen to and look at as it is hard to pronounce. When we went out to lunch, the owner actually told us that if we could repeat, with correct pronunciation after only hearing it once, the name of the Welsh city with the most letters, then lunch would be on the house…well…considering the name of the town is Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch…I think it’s safe to say there was no argument over who was paying for lunch. Nerd Warning – the English translation comes out to "The church of St. Mary in the hollow of white hazel trees near the rapid whirlpool by St. Tysilio's of the red cave." But it really is amazing to listen to, and every sign is in both Welsh and English. And fyi for everyone, especially my sister, I was not in “Whales.” I am not Jonah. I was not, nor do I have the desire to ever be, inside of a large sea mammal. I was in Wales. Thank you, your English lesson is now complete.

Even on the way to our destination of Gwynned, I wanted to take out my camera multiple times, especially when we passed a massive castle built into the side of a mountain. If you’ve ever seen the last two Lord of the Rings movies, it was a lot like the castles from the battle scenes, but cooler because it was actually real. When we got to Gwynned, we went straight to the main attraction – the castle by the sea. I didn’t realize that Caenarfon Castle is where King Edward I lived and where his son was born, and that’s why the crown prince has always been given the title “Prince of Wales.” Prince Charles had his title ceremony at the castle, and it’s likely that Prince William will do the same after his father becomes king. Though in some places of the castle, only a shell of the wall remains, we could walk up through the original rooms and climb the original towers to look out over the sea (not going to lie, the steps to the top were narrow, steep, and many. It was like climbing up a spiral ladder, but the view from the top was magnificent, and well worth the risk of serious bodily harm…just kidding mom…). We also walked around the town for a few hours and even though I swore I wasn’t spending any more money, I shelled out some pounds for more gifts for my family members. Sometimes, spending money on other people is worth being broke. More importantly, though, I ate my first full English breakfast (I know, I was in Wales, but I’ll take an English breakfast when and where I can get it!) …it. Was. Delicious. Honestly, it was so good that I’m pretty sure I almost died from the euphoria of having it in my mouth. Eggs, fried hash brown, bacon, fried toast, English sausage, black pudding, and beans. And yes, let’s be clear, I know that black pudding contains pig’s blood, as my teammates were so apt to point out, but in the words of Andrew Zimmern, “if it looks good, EAT IT!” It looked good, it smelled good, and it tasted good. So I did eat it. I’ll be darned it I came to Britain to not eat like a local! Also, I bought my first alcohol as a legal adult…calm down calm down…we all know that I don’t drink, and for good reason! A shop was selling the world’s smallest bottles of Scotch Whiskey…so I bought all .5 milliliters of it for my parents! I figured it was easier to take through Customs in Chicago than a bottle of wine…

After leaving Gwynnned, we drove back through the prettiest parts of Snowdonia National Park. Technically, we had been in Snowdonia the whole time, but we went up into the mountains a bit more to get a good look at the natural beauty of the area and take some pictures. We stopped in a valley town on the edge of a massive lake, and the mountains towered above us on all sides, reaching up into the heavens, the tops covered by clouds. I was awestruck by the pristine clarity of the lake water; you could see the rocks at the bottom, dozens and dozens of feet down. Everything was just so beautiful and so calm. I have no doubt that many a Welsh person has stood in that valley, looked up at the splendor of his country, and been filled with immense pride in where he is from – I know I would be if I were Welsh.

So now I'm sitting back at the cottages, eating birthday cake in honor of two of my teammates who are celebrating brithdays on this trip, and watching Titanic. Seriously, this has just been an awesome day.I’m running out of words to convey just how spectacular today was…there was just something about today that made me so…I don’t know…joyful. And I don't easily run out of ways to say things...So I wrote a poem. You don’t have to like it, but I figured I’d share it with you anyway…

You said, “Let there be,”

with words you formed the mountains;

your voice set their foundations.

From empty space you fused

hydrogen and oxygen

into crystal clear lakes,

and surrounded them with the beauty

of trees and flowers.

You formed man, and with your breath,

You gave him life.

How majestic are you, oh LORD,

Your creation is more than I can fathom,

how much more beautiful is the mind

that first imagined it,

how much more worthy the hands

that brought it forth?

Your glory is proclaimed throughout nature,

What you have made declares your splendor.

Let me shout it from the mountain peaks,

And let it ring out in the lowest depths,

“The LORD our God is awesome in power,

There is none like Him in all the earth!”

Glory be forever to the God who fashioned eyes

that can see His wonders,

ears that hear of the songs of His creation,

and hearts that can rejoice in His love.

Let all the earth together sing

“Glory in the highest,

glory to the LORD of all creation,

who said, ‘Let it be’

and it was,

and what was,

 was good.”

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back. (In England!...and Wales!).

Yeah I'm all out of good titles...deal with it.

You want to know what’s really frustrating? Putting together 998 pieces of a 1,000 piece puzzle and finding out that the last two pieces don’t fit in the only two spots left!!! Haha Some of my teammates and I literally spent the past 3 days putting together a very intricate wildlife puzzle, painstakingly piecing together pandas and monkeys, laboring over bamboo shoots, and fighting over elbow room on the table. We made those last two pieces fit! (Nebraska Soccer – 1, Wildlife Puzzle – 0)

Well, today was a much better day than yesterday (though given that yesterday was miserable, having a better day wasn’t that hard to accomplish.). We had another late evening game, so we slept in and then went on a team walk and stretch. A few of us decided to go on a bike ride afterwards to find some cows…unfortunately, even though it seems like they’re always right along roads when we’re driving, we couldn’t find any that were close to the fences today. It’s really weird, but I’m finding that I like English cows a lot more than American cows. They’re a lot taller and thinner, and they almost look like horses sometimes. The baby cows are the best, though! They’re just so dang cute! (To answer your questions, yes, I do know that baby cows are called calves and yes, I did just refer to cows as cute. They may smell and I may turn them into a cheeseburger before I leave this place, but they are cute. Deal with it.) I did squeeze in time for a two hour nap before dinner! It was absolutely marvelous, and needed after a sleepless night fretting over the last game (I really should start following my own advice. I’m not very good at the whole “keep calm and carry on” thing.) Finally, we played Liverpool Ladies FC to a 3-2 win, which was really exciting because, well, let’s face it beating a professional team is just cool!

I know I don’t have a whole lot to write about tonight, but tomorrow should be a lot more exciting…we’re driving to Wales! (Scratch another one off the bucket list). Apparently we’re going to some castle on a beach, though I’m not sure which one, and then stopping to eat lunch in Snowdonia National Park (I know it sounds like I just made that name up, but Google it. That’s its real name.).

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back. (In England!)

Keep calm and carry on

So this morning was a lot of fun! We drove out to the city of Chester, which dates back to when the Romans were in this part of Britannia and was actually one of the most important Roman cities in the area. The wall that they built around the garrison still stands, along with some of the original gates, and you can walk through the city atop the wall. There’s also the ruins of an amphitheatre and the gardens within the walls, as well as live archeological digs in the middle of town. It was amazing to walk on the walls, especially because it’s like a whole new level of the city. They wind right through the streets and buildings sit up right next to them – some even have doors that open up onto the wall! It was truly something I’ll never forget.

I thought this was going to turn into another London-like fiasco (all of my time gets spent in stores that we have in the U.S. because everyone wants to shop) but finally me and another of my teammates had enough of the Nike store after we saw a shirt that said “Made in Beaverton, OR.” I’m from Vancouver, WA right across the river, and that was it for me. I’m in England, gosh darn it! So the two us walked along the walls and took pictures for the rest of the time. We found two absolutely stunning cathedrals, a river, and amazing bridges. There was a castle somewhere outside of the city, along the part of the wall that had been destroyed. We tried do hard to find it, but came up empty…but it’s about the adventure, not the destination! If it hadn’t rained the whole time, it would have been a perfect morning. I even got a laugh in because there was a donut shop built into the wall called “Dinky Donuts” and all I could think of was my dad and his love of Dunkin Donuts!

This afternoon we played the Nantwich Town FC boy’s team…they might have been 15, but they were good. They were fast, strong, and overall just talented. We ended up losing 6-3, but we started off in the hole 4-0. I played 20 minutes, and I won’t lie, it was one of those nights I just want to forget. It happens. Life goes on. I only gave up one goal, but I couldn’t get my feet to work to save my life. Frustrating, frustrating, frustrating. But the good news is that I’m in England, playing soccer, seeing walled Roman cities, and tomorrow I’ll wake up and still be alive. So if you’re also having one of those types of days, here’s a British saying for you – “keep calm and carry on!” Don't freak out about it, just keep going!

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back. (In England!).

If she comes in your box, HIT HER!

Well, the official score yesterday was Bristol – 4 Husker Soccer – 2, but the actual score was a 2-2 draw. I’m not usually one to rip on the refs, but when the “linesmen” are members of the team that you’re playing and two of the goals that are scored on you were so far offside that you could have fit a semi-truck in between their forward and our last defender (slight exaggeration, but only slight…), then you know you’re getting hosed. They were also a pretty dirty team…two of our players almost had their legs broken from straight leg cleats up tackles. But I do feel bad that one of their girls tore her ACL in the final minutes, even though I’m pretty sure that some of my teammates still wanted a fight after the game. In fact, when  I subbed in, my centerback told me "If she comes in your box, hit her!" When I asked what number girl, she said, "ANY OF THEM! Just hit 'em hard!" haha it was one of those kinds of games...I played the final 20 minutes again, and it went very well. Didn’t give up any goals and took a girl out on a breakaway save (a bit of retaliation for some of their antics, but it was a fair challenge and I got the ball…she just happened to eat a little turf afterwards). But all in all it was a good game played under terrible windy/rainy conditions on a relatively small field.

Today we went into Manchester to do some shopping in probably the biggest mall I’ve ever been in…and it was awesome (even though I’ve just about reached my spending limit). I got some awesome Manchester United gear and some gifts for people when I get back to the states, and it was just fun to walk around in the town. The thing that I’ve noticed about these cities that makes them so different from cities in the U.S. is the mix between centuries-old buildings and super-modern buildings. Literally, they sit one next to the other and it’s like one minute you’re looking at 14^th century architecture and the next you’re seeing space-age like skyscrapers.

Random other things that happened…

-          We went for a walk around the lake, and some crazy teammates of mine went for a quick dip in the water, even though it’s like 45 degrees and raining!

-          Saw some gypsies walking down the road yesterday…it was kind of weird. They had (really pretty) horse drawn wagons and were just meandering down the two lane street with about 20 cars trying to pass them. I’ve never seen anything like that before.

-          Had a guy come up to us today out of the blue and ask, “Hey are you guys Americans? Cool!” and then he proceeded to ask us random questions and talk to us about random things for 5 minutes…apparently we’re an oddity around here.

-          Moving cottages today! Going from Stapleton to Empress with 4 new teammate/roomies…kinda stinks that this new one only has 1 bathroom for all of us, but I’ll live. Somehow. Someway. We’ll live. Also, I have no idea where any of my stuff is now because I just kind of threw it into my bag and dragged it over haha…it’s going to be a long night!

-          Had “cottage pie” for dinner tonight (so basically, shepherd’s pie, but English sounding). It was alright…but not as good as meat and potato pies at the stadiums!!!

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I’m taking it back. (In England!).

Come on you Blues!!!!

Final Score – Birmingham Ladies FC 2, Husker Soccer 1.

Obviously, it’s disappointing to lose, but honestly we were the better team the second half and easily could have put in 2 more goals. Their keeper blocked a penalty shot and had an amazing save in the final 10 minutes, otherwise we might have won. The first half was rough; we were a little intimidated and not used to such a high level of competition (let’s be honest, our Spring Games weren’t exactly against professional level teams) and gave away two cheap goals off of miscommunication and defensive blunders. But for a team that was at the top of the league and featured former starters for the English National Team, I’ll say a 2-1 loss with a very solid second half isn’t too shabby (certainly not “getting our $#&%! kicked liked the guy at the airport suggested). I played the final 25 minutes and did pretty well, and even got a nice turf burn out of it (GET SOME!).

           

Nerd Warning

We didn’t actually play in Birmingham, but in Stratford-upon-Avon. If that doesn’t sound familiar, then it’s because you didn’t pay attention in any of your English Literature classes – it’s where William Shakespeare was born! I was actually really excited about this, and the town looks like Shakespeare should have been born there – lots of vintage 14^th and 15^th century stone churches, bridges, and houses that just scream “Ye Olde England Towne.” Also, a lot of the houses say things like “Shakespeare’s father born in this house” or “Shakespeare’s friend born here” or “In this spot in 1573, Shakespeare’s uncle’s cousin’s friend’s neighbor’s dog got hit by a horse drawn carriage…”

After the game, we travelled into Birmingham to watch them play Fulham, which was really sweet because I got to see Clint Dempsey from the U.S. National Team play. Fulham pretty much dominated the game and won 2-0, which meant that we were subjected to plenty of new English phrases from the Birmingham fans. Some of them were pretty mild, like “Come on you Blues!” and “Oh what are youse doing!” (with “doing” pronounced with a very hard g at the end). Some of them, however, were a little more, shall we say, crude. Some of favorites – From the Fulham fans (sung) “I want to go home, I want to go home, this place is a $#!%hole, I want to go home” …and the inevitable response from the Blues fans – “Then f%#@ off ya bloody wankers!” it was quite entertaining, actually.

On the POTS side of things, I found out another little tidbit of information that makes my whole life make a little more sense. Apparently, a lot of us suffer from “coat hanger pain,” or pain and tightness that runs down the neck and shoulders and crosses the back underneath the shoulder blades, kind of in the shape of a hanger. I always used to just assume that my back and shoulders were so sore and knotted up all the time because of soccer and training, but a lot of it could also be that when I stand up for long periods of time, poor circulation above the heart means that those muscles get starved of blood and tighten/cramp up, causing the pain and knots. That’s interesting to know, especially because it’s ice, not heat, that’s supposed to make it better in the long run, because heat actually opens up the blood vessels and makes circulation worse.

Another random tidbit of information – English drivers are crazy and driving etiquette here is completely different than in the U.S. If you’ve ever been in a situation where a ton of cars are all trying to get out of a crowded space and people are merging into the same place, like the outside of stadium parking after a big game, then you should know that in the U.S. the unspoken rule is that you go every other car, rotating around the different merging lanes. There is some method to the madness, and generally if you make it obvious that you’re trying to merge or switch lanes, then pretty soon someone recognizes it and lets you in, knowing that karma will see to it that someone let’s them in the next time they’re in that situation, and you give them that little thank you wave and head nod gesture of goodwill. There are also usually some traffic lights or traffic cops to help alleviate some of the chaos. Well, apparently in England, neither of those two things happen. Coming out of what amounts to the RedSox playing the Yankees at the end of the regular season, and in parking lots no more than 100 yards from the stadium, there were no paved lines, no traffic cops, and no traffic lights for thousands of cars trying to merge onto a two lane road. And in England, it’s every man for himself. Literally. People see you trying to merge, and they give you an evil glare and get right up the next person’s bumper so that there’s no way you can weasel yourself in. They honk and speed up and generally weave and inch their cars so close together in an attempt to win the parking lot war that I swore it was bumper cars. It took us almost an hour to get out of the parking lot, much less out of town. CRAZY! Also, one of our British coaches explained the whole  highway traffic circle “why didn’t they just put in exits like normal countries” thing….and it actually makes sense. Basically, all of these places were here long before the roads and cars, so the traffic circle was the only way they could get roads to split to different places without having to pave brand roads, because the dirt roads to the cities and towns just gradually were built over hundreds of years and they just had to adapt to cars as best they could.

So now we’re just chilling in our cottages eating pizza (yeah our coaches bought us all frozen pizzas because we got back so late and they didn’t want us to have to really cook…never thought I’d see the day!) We’re about to watch Shawshank Redemption, and then sleep in tomorrow. Game against Bristol Ladies FC at 7 pm, GO BIG RED!

Champions!!!

My first Premier League game was Manchester United at Blackburn, and it was incredible. The atmosphere was ridiculous because Man U needed a point to clinch their record 19^th League title, and Blackburn needed a win to help them keep from getting relegated to a lower division at the end of the season. You know a game is going to be intense when your coach tells you, “we’re sitting with the Blackburn fans. That means don’t wear anything with too much red in it, and don’t openly cheer for Man U. The Blackburn and Man U fans will be separated by rows of police (which they were) so don’t say anything stupid.” Man U fans came out in storm, and the entire quarter of the stadium that held them began singing at kick off, and didn’t shut up until well after we left and Man U held the trophy after a 1-1 tie. I got Wayne Rooney’s goal on video, and it was even more amazing in person.

            I also got my first taste of legit British stadium food! I walked up to the concession stand and said to the guy, “I’ve never been here before, and I know I’m gonna sound like such an American right now, but what do you recommend that I get?” Without skipping a beat, everyone behind the counter said I needed a meat and potato pie! So that’s what I got, and they were right, it was delicious and I hereby declare that they should be sold at every sporting event in the U.S.! I’ll admit, I had to ask one of our British coaches how to eat it because I wasn’t sure if it was finger food or fork food (turns out you eat it like a hot dog). But it just added perfectly to whole English/Soccer environment.

            Finally, we got back to the cottages and it was my house’s turn to make dinner. Apparently, cooking a southwestern egg scramble for 20 people is a lot harder and more time consuming than it seems. I cooked up the sausages and eventually was in charge of cooking the actual eggs and mixing them together on the skillet. Even though it took forever and I ended up covered in egg yolk and grease, everyone said it was delicious and I thought it tasted pretty good myself! Cleaning it up took almost as long as making it, but all’s well that ends well. It gave me a new appreciation for my mommy! Haha Game day versus the Birmingham Women tomorrow. It’s going to be a hard battle but we’re up for it.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back (In England!).

When in London...

LONDON!!! After 3 hours in a car and another hour on “the tube,” Husker Soccer took over one of the most storied cities in the world! Peter, one of our coaches, grew up in London and took us on a tour of all the major landmarks in the city. We started at Westminster Abbey and went through the city, seeing Big Ben, the Parliament Building, the Prime Minister’s house, followed by Buckingham Palace (and yes, I took plenty of pictures of the balcony where Wills and Kate kissed), walked through St. James Park and along the River Thames, and ended up in Trafalgar Square, next to the National Gallery.

(Nerd Warning)

           Trafalgar Squarewas probably one of my favorite places; there’s a beautiful large fountain and a hundred foot tall monument dedicated to Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson, who defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Trafalgar. At the top of the monument, Lord Nelson stands tall facing towards France, eyes glaring and stance defiant, serving as a warning to the French. That's right you Frenchies...Don't mess with Texas! I mean England....

           
          I must admit, as a self proclaimed nerd, I was really excited about seeing the historical aspects of the city. I really wanted to head down to the Tower of London and take the tour with the Yeomen to see the crown jewels, walk across the tower bridge, see the tombs of the most famous kings and queens who ever lived inside of Westminster, and walk through Piccadilly and the West End. However, I was the only one of my teammates who thought any of those things would be neat, so I lost out on the vote. While I was disappointed, the shopping and walking we did left me with some very good memories and some really cool souvenirs. Though some of my teammates chose to eat at McDonald’s (Don’t ask. I have no idea why you would travel to another country to eat a burger you could get for half as much back in the U.S.) but I stopped at a café and got my first taste of real English fish and chips! It was absolutely delicious!

            We walked along the River Thames and watched some street performers, some of them very entertaining, like the Charlie Chaplin mime and the “statues” of Hamlet and Ophelia, and some of them, well, not so entertaining. We spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out what one of the guys was even doing. He had a pretty big crowd for someone who did a whole lot of talking about nothing, bad dancing, and telling people that he’s a “free man who don’t care if you don’t tip him – the worst that happens is he doesn’t get paid and he’s still alive.” Awesome. Then we rode the London Eye, and even though it was kind of expensive it was well worth it. For 30 minutes, I sat above the Thames and looked down into Whitehall Place and the buildings of Parliament. I traced the parade route that William and Kate took to Buckingham Palace, and admired the beauty of St. Paul’s Cathedral and the surrounding parks and buildings. It was breathtaking. It was such a perfect day and even though I spent a lot of money and was dead tired by the end, it was so worth it.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back (In England!).

Husker Soccer...GET SOME!!!

            Whew what a day! We were allowed to sleep in until 10 am, and then had a half-hour for breakfast together in our cottages. We drove into Nantwich, which is a town of about 12,000 people 6 of so miles away from Combermere Abbey. We drove into the town center, and walked around the streets for about an hour or so. It’s a very picturesque square, with a large church in the middle and an acre of open green space that serves as an unmarked cemetery (I thought it was much prettier before I found out that people were buried under the nice grass and flowers.) But the shops that closed in the narrow streets were all so quaint and charming, and the people were extremely friendly to us (partly because one of my teammates kept tossing one pound coins to the men playing instruments in the square, thinking they were only pennies. We finally had to tell her she tipped them over 8 dollars in U.S. money!). I took a lot of pictures, and most of them have flowers somewhere in them because the whole town was just full of flowerboxes that say "Nantwich in Bloom", coloring the day with bright reds, yellows, purples. It was a lot of fun to just look at things (partly because everything is so dang expensive! We passed a store that was selling a bottle of Hennessy Cognac for 1,450 pounds! Not that we would actually buy it, but it just blew our minds that it comes out to almost $3,000).

            Our teams has some really good cooks on it. We’ve been making our own dinners, or lunches if we have a game like today, so we rotate which cottage makes the daily meal. Today, the cottage in charge of meals made seasoned chicken breasts with green beans, carrots, garlic and butter potato wedges, and rolls. It. Was. Delicious. My cabin was assigned dinner tomorrow, and we were going to make a Southwest Omelet Scramble, but we changed plans and our going into London tomorrow! I’m so excited!

            Finally, we left at about 3:30 pm to drive to Coventry, England to play Coventry Women’s FC. After 2 hours, a few wrong turns, and arriving at the wrong field, we finally made it, which was good because we spanked them 8-0. They are an Upper Division team, which means that they are a step below the four teams we will play later, but an opening win is an opening win! I played the entire second half, a few mishaps here or there, but I’ll take a shutout any day. Playing them made me appreciate some things about the Nebraska Soccer program. First of all, we have such great facilities in Nebraska! Here we are playing an English Upper Division team, and we have a much softer and grassier field, better locker rooms, and more fans back home. Second, we have come a long way with level of on-field communication. We talked to each other so much more than the other team, that eventually we heard on of the girls shout, “I can’t handle their bloody talking!” and she wasn’t talking about our accents either!

            Random thoughts from the day…

-          Saw my first double decker bus! It’s so weird to see how tall and skinny it is. Come to think of it, all of the cars here are tall and skinny. I still can’t get over the whole driving on the left side thing. Also, I want to know whose genius idea it was to decide that every few miles, on major highways, they would put freaking TRAFFIC CIRCLES instead of exit ramps. We’ll be going 75 mph, and out of nowhere we’ll come upon cars at a dead stop waiting to go through the “roundabout.” Somebody needs to be fired for that idea! Haha

-          Met a lady whose mother lives in Kansas, so she saw our Nebraska shirts and stopped to talk to us. It’s a small world, apparently. But everyone seems to think it’s super cool that we’re here, which is fine with me because I think it’s super cool that we’re here!

-          WHY IS THE DOLLAR SO WORTHLESS?!

-          Day 3 in England = major success.

Reverie

Right now I’m sitting next an open window in the upstairs bedroom of our cottage. I wish you, whoever you are reading this, could be here with me. As I sit, a cool breeze blows in the fresh scent of the countryside and the sweet smell of blooming flowers, with just enough of the smokiness of burning firewood mixed in to dampen the crispness of the evening air. Countless birds sing their songs to the Maker of the heavens, and their melodies make their way across the gardens to my room. The sun is well on its way to setting, and the bright pink of its fading rays punctuates the darkening sky and the gray-blue patches of harmless clouds. I wait here in the stillness, in my wicker chair beside the window, and the Spirit whispers gently to me from the quiet wind. The LORD is good. The LORD is good. The LORD is good.