I'm Not Done Yet.

First things first - I'm not done yet. Not with life. Not with soccer. Not with anything.This is my humble (veeeeeery humble) attempt to start a blog about being an athlete with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). I'll be honest, it's more for my sake than for anything else. I need a place to vent, to think, to rejoice. If somebody else happens to read this, whether it be because they are also an athlete dealing with POTS or because they just think that I'm funny when I write, then so be it. I also started this blog because there's nothing else out there for me as an athlete. Apparently, or at least according to YouTube and Google, being able to continue in athletics is a rare thing for people who have POTS (maybe that has something to with POTS causing exercise intolerance...hhhmmmm...nah it couldn't possibly be that...right?). I can get plenty of info about POTS. I can get people complaining about POTS. I can get videos of people whose lives have changed dramatically since they were diagnosed with POTS. But there isn't really anything out there for people who are trying to live a normal, full life with POTS, much less for those who are attempting to be elite athletes with POTS.

Let's face it. Go to Youtube and type in POTS. No really, open up another tab and do it. This is what I'm dealing with here. You'll get the super awesome guy from the Mayo Clinic talking about what POTS is, you'll get a bunch of amatuer videos trying to do the same thing, and then you'll get a bunch of people sitting in front of a web cam talking about how they're having a bad day. If you're really lucky, perhaps you'll find one of those crazy super depressing videos about how debilitating it is to have POTS. You'll know what I'm talking about when you find it. There will be a random Sarah McLaughlin song playing in the background (one which inevitably has NOTHING to do with being sick...or getting better...or having hope. They just freaking want to make you jump off the cliff of despair and into the abysmal sea of epic self loathing.). There will be sad pictures of crying puppies and dying unicorns, over which completely inane sentences will appear in handwritten font (like this is supposed to make it more personal or something. For crying out loud, we all know it's just a font. I have it on my computer,too. I don't feel more sad because it looks like you hand wrote it. Actually, I don't feel more sad because I started bawling five pictures back when that starving kid from Rwanda, who had nothing to do with pots, came rollin' across the screen.) telling you about how god-aweful POTS is, and how nobody cares about this debilitating "invisible sickness." You feel me? See how much stuff I have to put up with from other people with POTS? You'd think I was dying (which I'm not) or giving up on life (which I'm DEFINITELY not).

This is not the kind of stuff "potsies" need. First of all, I don't want your freaking pity, nor do I need it. Get up and do what I do as a Division 1 soccer player every day, and then come pity me. I am living a dream life, even if POTS is messing with it a bit. I get free clothes and gear, I won't come out of college with a ton of debt, and I get to play the game that I love every day that my body allows me. Don't pity me because I don't feel like I should be pitying myself. Second, we need stuff that gives us a reason to get up every morning. I know that POTS sucks some days, don't remind me with your stupid video or complain about it with your stupid blog (yes I fully understand the irony of blogging about the stupidity of someone else's blog. Deal with it. Better yet, go blog about how you hate my blog, and then we can start a blog war. I'll destroy you.). I mean, yeah, some days it's good to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff, that someone somewhere else (often times somewhere so far away from me that it doesn't matter and that they don't give an polar bear in the north pole about me) knows how I feel. yaaaaay. let's all go hug a teddy bear together. No really go hug a freaking teddy bear. You don't make me feel better. You don't even make YOU feel better. So stop it. What we need are success stories. We need role models who are fighting ( yeah, that word...ya know, the one that means not giving up and doing the hard things even when you don't want to) to get their lives back. We need hope. Hope that we can have a future that isn't restricted by some invisible illness. Hope that we have a chance of living a full and normal life. Hope that we can take this thing head on and beat it. You can make me a sad video when I'm dead.

My hope is that this can turn into a forum for us "potsies" to share our victories, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Yes, it will be geared toward athletes with POTS, but not limited to them. Every time you fight your way out of bed in the morning, you win. Every time you make it through practice/school/work, you win. Every time you make a conscious decision to live your life with joy, with love, and without complaints, you win. And when you win, we all win, because we all need a reason to believe.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.