The Bible and Harry Potter

Woke up at 3 a.m. with a headache. It's not a migraine, I'm not incapacitated, and I'm not sitting in the hospital with a IV dripping into my arm (or wherever they could get the needle to stick...my veins don't like being pricked with sharp objects. They hide.)  so today is a good day. My older brother was in town for the weekend, so we had a great time hanging out and getting some dinner (and playing Wii on the big screens at Best Buy while we were waiting for an hour to get seated at dinner). My heart rate has been down to practically normal and I made it through all the sprints (GET SOME!!!) last week. I think I can officially declare the week a success!!!

Also, today I went out and bought a One Year Bible. I love it already. It's great because every day is planned out with about 15 minutes of scripture, and every section is mixed up with a little bit of the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs so that even though you're reading the whole Bible, you're not reading straight from one cover to the other (Because let's face it, most people quit about half way through the first this person begat that person who begat so and so, who died...but not before he begat some other guy...) Going to back to my post about seeking after God like I looked for my lost phone, I figure it's kind of hard to find God when you completely ignore 95% of everything He's ever said. I mean, yeah it's great that that we know certain key verses or have a general understanding of what the Bible's about, but let's face it, it's kind of like picking up the fifth Harry Book book, reading a chapter, and then claiming to know what's in all seven books. You could probably name a few major characters and get the gist of what's going on, but you're missing out on the context, the intricacies and quite frankly, the meaning and purpose of the whole series. And you have no idea that Dobby and Dumbledore die, Snape is actually a good guy, and that Harr....I'm going to stop there and hope you get my point because this is starting to sound like I actually read the books. My sister is going to assume we have something in common, and that can't happen... hehehehe

My name is Amy Swearer and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

Love you, mommy!

Ok so I took my Valentine's Day rant down...I know I know...it was a fan favorite and you are all really disappointed that you can't read it again and again and again....and again....and again.....and aga - ok I'll stop. Seriously though, you can blame my mom. At least that's what I always do and it seems to work! (Mommy I love you! MWUAH kissey face).

In other news, I still have POTS.


Let's check again....



Yep still have it now, too.

Bummer, I was hoping it would go away. Anyway, I saw a really cool shirt today. I think it was about cancer, but I don't really care. I'm still gonna take it and use it for my own purposes (I know that probably makes me some baby hating monster, but I've been called worse. I can take it). It said "Had it. Fought it. Beat it." I want one for potsies...except it would be more like "Had it. Fought it. Drank pickle juice. Beat it." Because if you have POTS and you haven't started drinking the miracle that is dill pickle juice, you haven't lived yet. You also haven't choked, sputtered, gurgled and partially thrown up said pickle juice in your mouth yet, but whatever. It works its magic and gets me through the day. Add in some Jesus, soccer, and Calc II (just kidding about the Calc.) and life is awesome.

Oh and check out this super cool video from The Remnant guys...it gets really cool around 1:40 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuC3-pG1ML0 it really reminds me of how awesome our God is and just how powerful He is. More coming on what I think of this video, but I'm tired so I'm peacing out (that means "going to bed").

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

Lessons from a lost phone...

I found my phone!!!

Actually, that's a lie. Someone else found my phone, and then turned the phone in at one of the offices in Nebraska Hall. But that's beside the point. Anyhoo...my phone is back in my posession AND it's Saturday AND it's almost 50 degrees outside (can you say heat wave?!). This is definitely one of those days to praise God for....which reminds of something I was thinking about as I was frantically looking for my phone.

When I realized my phone was lost, I literally spent the next 4 hours looking all over for it. I tore apart my room piece by piece. I retraced every step I took that day. I called campus police, my RA, the dorm front desk, the facilities and operations people, LPD, the State Patrol, NASA (someone had to check the moon for me, right?) the FBI, CIA, NSA, NRA, KGB, ABC and the Dept. of Homeland Security (slight exaggeration, but just roll with me here). And then I lathered, rinsed, and repeated the whole process. I missed team study hall. I missed dinner. I missed the guy from Remember the Titans speaking at the Union. I wanted to find that phone like I have never wanted to find anything before.

What if I sought after God like I sought after my phone? What if I tore through my Bible like I tore through my room? What if I put as much effort into living for God as I put into living to find my stupid phone? yeeaaahhhh....MIND. BLOWN.

The prophet Jeremiah wrote in his God-breathed letter to the exiled Israelites, "'You will seek me and find me when you seek with all of your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord." I will be found by you. There's no mystery. There's no smoke screen. There's no cloak and dagger. You will find God, but only if you seek Him. Seek: (verb) 1. to try to locate or discover 2. to endeavor to obtain or reach. It implies action on our part. Whole hearted action, the kind used to find a lost phone. The kind used to push through those last few minutes of a game. The kind used to get out of bed on those days when your body says, "no." When we get serious about seeking after God, when we want it more than anything else, we won't come away disappointed.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

Looking at the bright side...

I lost my phone today ( *collective groan from readers* ). Absolute. Heartbreak. I haven't been this devasted since I found out that the little house elf from the Harry Potter movies dies in the last book. I've literally been in two places all day, and I lost it. I'm never going to hear the end of this one... But I guess that since I have a "no whining" clause in this blog, I'll stop (even though it was technically no whining about POTS). Looking on the bright side, the worst thing that happened today was that I lost my phone (half-truth. The worst thing was blowing $50 on a TracFone and minutes so that I wasn't completely lost in translation with no phone.). But I didn't have a migraine. I didn't have a POTS episode. I didn't even have to get up at 6 am. I just lost my phone. 

Soooo what's my point? My life isn't over and I've made it through a lot worse things than this...I just have to deal with not having my phone for a while. I'll live. So if you're having one of those "are you freaking kidding me, I lost my phone" days, deal with it. Did you survive today? *head nods* Can you get another phone? *head nods* It's nice to be at a point where I can BE worried that I lost my phone, because when I was thinking I'd never play soccer again and that my whole future was imploding, I don't think I would have even cared that I lost my phone. For as much as I hate to say it....YAAAAAY for losing my phone because it reminded me of how far I've come in the past few months.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

As soon as I find my phone.

Isaiah 40:29-31

Well, I made it through an agility session, a 2 hour practice, and post-practice sprints today. Not gonna lie, it was a long and hard morning. I wanted to give up during the final sprints because I was getting really light headed and feeling miserable and all I wanted to do was quit. However, in between gasping for air and trying not to pass out, the words of Isaiah came winding through my head. In chapter 40, verses 29-31, he writes (the Message Version):

He (God) energizes those who get tired,
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
   they walk and don't lag behind.

I thought, "How appropriate is this verse to what I'm going through right now?" I will run and not grow weary. My strength will be renewed. I will not be faint. THAT IS SO COOL. I know a lot of times, especially when we feel weak or we feel tired, it's hard to take God at His word. We stand up and feel faint, and we think "how am I supposed to walk and not be faint?" But we have to keep going in faith, knowing that God will renew us, that our hope is in Him and in the grace that He gives us. But I think the most important part of the passage is lost when you fail to realize the context of the words. In the previous verses, Isaiah writes (The Message Version):

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
   or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
   He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
   And he knows everything, inside and out.

How many times do we act like Israel when we're having  a bad POTS days? "God doesn't care, God doesn't have a reason for this, God apparently has more important things to do today than care about the fact that I'm hurting, etc, etc, etc" and we complain. Woe is me. My life sucks. This is hard to deal with. Isaiah says straight up that we need to stop. I feel like I can hear him give an exasperated sigh as he reprimands Israel (and us) "Come on, guys! What are you doing? Haven't you heard a single word I've said?!" You see God knows what we're going through. He hears us. And we can make it through this because He gives us strength, because He energizes us. Remember that the next time you want to quit. Or whine.

By the way, I finished those sprints. GET SOME!!!

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.

I'm Not Done Yet.

First things first - I'm not done yet. Not with life. Not with soccer. Not with anything.This is my humble (veeeeeery humble) attempt to start a blog about being an athlete with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). I'll be honest, it's more for my sake than for anything else. I need a place to vent, to think, to rejoice. If somebody else happens to read this, whether it be because they are also an athlete dealing with POTS or because they just think that I'm funny when I write, then so be it. I also started this blog because there's nothing else out there for me as an athlete. Apparently, or at least according to YouTube and Google, being able to continue in athletics is a rare thing for people who have POTS (maybe that has something to with POTS causing exercise intolerance...hhhmmmm...nah it couldn't possibly be that...right?). I can get plenty of info about POTS. I can get people complaining about POTS. I can get videos of people whose lives have changed dramatically since they were diagnosed with POTS. But there isn't really anything out there for people who are trying to live a normal, full life with POTS, much less for those who are attempting to be elite athletes with POTS.

Let's face it. Go to Youtube and type in POTS. No really, open up another tab and do it. This is what I'm dealing with here. You'll get the super awesome guy from the Mayo Clinic talking about what POTS is, you'll get a bunch of amatuer videos trying to do the same thing, and then you'll get a bunch of people sitting in front of a web cam talking about how they're having a bad day. If you're really lucky, perhaps you'll find one of those crazy super depressing videos about how debilitating it is to have POTS. You'll know what I'm talking about when you find it. There will be a random Sarah McLaughlin song playing in the background (one which inevitably has NOTHING to do with being sick...or getting better...or having hope. They just freaking want to make you jump off the cliff of despair and into the abysmal sea of epic self loathing.). There will be sad pictures of crying puppies and dying unicorns, over which completely inane sentences will appear in handwritten font (like this is supposed to make it more personal or something. For crying out loud, we all know it's just a font. I have it on my computer,too. I don't feel more sad because it looks like you hand wrote it. Actually, I don't feel more sad because I started bawling five pictures back when that starving kid from Rwanda, who had nothing to do with pots, came rollin' across the screen.) telling you about how god-aweful POTS is, and how nobody cares about this debilitating "invisible sickness." You feel me? See how much stuff I have to put up with from other people with POTS? You'd think I was dying (which I'm not) or giving up on life (which I'm DEFINITELY not).

This is not the kind of stuff "potsies" need. First of all, I don't want your freaking pity, nor do I need it. Get up and do what I do as a Division 1 soccer player every day, and then come pity me. I am living a dream life, even if POTS is messing with it a bit. I get free clothes and gear, I won't come out of college with a ton of debt, and I get to play the game that I love every day that my body allows me. Don't pity me because I don't feel like I should be pitying myself. Second, we need stuff that gives us a reason to get up every morning. I know that POTS sucks some days, don't remind me with your stupid video or complain about it with your stupid blog (yes I fully understand the irony of blogging about the stupidity of someone else's blog. Deal with it. Better yet, go blog about how you hate my blog, and then we can start a blog war. I'll destroy you.). I mean, yeah, some days it's good to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff, that someone somewhere else (often times somewhere so far away from me that it doesn't matter and that they don't give an polar bear in the north pole about me) knows how I feel. yaaaaay. let's all go hug a teddy bear together. No really go hug a freaking teddy bear. You don't make me feel better. You don't even make YOU feel better. So stop it. What we need are success stories. We need role models who are fighting ( yeah, that word...ya know, the one that means not giving up and doing the hard things even when you don't want to) to get their lives back. We need hope. Hope that we can have a future that isn't restricted by some invisible illness. Hope that we have a chance of living a full and normal life. Hope that we can take this thing head on and beat it. You can make me a sad video when I'm dead.

My hope is that this can turn into a forum for us "potsies" to share our victories, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Yes, it will be geared toward athletes with POTS, but not limited to them. Every time you fight your way out of bed in the morning, you win. Every time you make it through practice/school/work, you win. Every time you make a conscious decision to live your life with joy, with love, and without complaints, you win. And when you win, we all win, because we all need a reason to believe.

My name is Amy Swearer, and POTS stole my life. I'm taking it back.